Fighting For Your Marriage
Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Building a Lasting Love
4. Edition September 2024
352 Pages, Softcover
Wiley & Sons Ltd
A major revision of the classic divorce prevention book, with up-to-date research and inclusive content
Fighting for Your Marriage is based on the widely acclaimed PREP approach (Prevention and Relationship Education Program). Research has found that couples who use these strategies can handle conflict more constructively, protect their happiness, and reduce the odds of breaking up. Based on more than 40 years of evidence, this book shows couples how to talk more and fight less, protect their friendship, and keep the fun alive. You'll learn what it takes to have a more intimate, sensual relationship and how to clarify and act on priorities.
The 4th Edition has been substantially updated with advice for couples from a wide range of backgrounds and types who are interested in lasting love. The authors have included a wealth of techniques and down-to-earth guidance for all couples who seek to promote greater connection and pleasure in their long-term relationships.
After reading the 4th edition, you will be able to:
* Apply up-to-date, research-backed strategies, using the renowned PREP approach to deepen your relationships
* Rekindle your marriage and bridge the emotional distance that has grown between you and your spouse
* Repair your or your partner's lack of desire for sensual and sexual connections
* Get research-based advice for enhancing and strengthening relationships for people who are interested in lasting love
For decades, this book has helped couples in serious relationships, newly married couples, and long-term married couples. It is also a valuable resource for couples and family therapists, college professors, clergy, and other professionals working with diverse individuals and couples who want to have happy, healthy relationships.
Introduction 1
Part 1 Understanding the Risks on the Road to Lasting Love 9
1. The Three Keys for a Great Relationship 11
2. Destructive Patterns: Signs of Danger Ahead 19
3. Changing the Dance: Counteracting Communication Danger Signs 39
Part 2 Teaming Up to Handle Conflict 55
4. When What You Heard Isn't What I Said: Understanding Filters in Communication 57
5. What's Love Got to Do with It? 71
6. Talking Without Fighting: The Speaker Listener Technique 83
7. Controlling the Home Fires: Handling Issues and Events 101
8. New Perspectives on Problems and Problem-Solving 119
9. Ground Rules for a Great Relationship 137
Part 3 Enjoying Each Other 147
10. Staying Friends and Having Fun 149
11. Being There: Supporting One Another in Life 167
12. Sensuality and Sex: The Magical Art of Touch 183
13. Why You Can't Always Get What You Want: Unraveling the Mysteries of Expectations 199
14. Beliefs, Values, and Life Experiences: Navigating Differences and Cultivating Connection 217
Part 4 Staying the Course 235
15. Forgiveness: Restoring Hope 237
16. Commitment in an Ever-Changing World: Staying on the Wonderful, Winding Path 257
17. Moving Forward 275
Getting More Help 281
Resources Regarding PREP 287
References by Chapter or Theme 289
About the Authors 313
Index 317
"What distinguishes this 4th edition classic on marriage from other resources on marriage is the disclosure by the authors of the subtle but overlooked secret that 'how' couples deal with their differences is far more important than the issues themselves. Add emotional safety, intentional and timely engagement with the issues and taking responsibility for one's role in conflict, and you have the perfect recipe for a thriving marriage. We recommend this book to ALL couples for research-based guidance they can trust, to all therapists who want to really help couples and to everyone who would like to know how successful intimate relationships work."
--Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, co-authors of the best seller Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and co-creators of Imago Relationship therapy now practiced in over 60 countries
"In my decades-long work with couples, I often hear, 'I wish marriages came with instructions.' The good news? They do! In this updated edition of Fighting for Your Marriage, you'll learn how to tackle the fundamental issues faced by all couples who are committed to keeping their relationships vibrant, as well as acquiring the necessary tools to deal with the unique challenges in our ever-changing culture. Best of all, this classic marriage-strengthening book is chock full of pragmatic and easy-to-understand advice for creating joyful, satisfying, and long-lasting relationships."
--Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Healing from Infidelity. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
"I work mostly with couples on the brink of divorce or, if not yet married, about to dissolve their relationship. Many have seen several couple therapists and found it unhelpful. Their #1 complaint? 'The therapist didn't teach us any skills or tools for getting along better.' Based on decades of research, Markman, Stanley, Rhoades, and Levine spell out succinctly and compellingly the attitudes and skills couples need to have a happy, successful relationship. As with previous editions and now thoroughly updated, it will be the core text I share with couples and teach to my graduate trainees in couple therapy."
--Peter Fraenkel, PhD, is Associate Professor at The City College of New York, former faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and NYU Medical Center, and author of Last Chance Couple Therapy: Bringing Relationships Back from the Brink
"This guide to modern couple relationships for the 2020s and beyond is written by the A-team of couple relationship education. Based on 40+ years of research and practice with couples, they offer practical advice and tips for having a great relationship. Fighting for Your Marriage is easy to read with lots of suggested activities to build a great relationship."
--Kim Halford, PhD, Professor of Clinical Psychology University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia
"It's rare that a scientifically verified program is actually so successful. This book is a must read for anyone interested in helping or understanding relationships."
--John Gottman, author of Fight Right
Scott M. Stanley, PhD, is a research professor at the University of Denver, specializing in research on commitment, relationship development, and prevention. He has been involved in the development of PREP for over 30 years.
Galena K. Rhoades, PhD, is a research professor and the director of the Institute for -Relationship Science in the Department of Psychology at the University of Denver. She also founded a nonprofit in Denver called Thriving Families and is a practicing clinical psychologist.
Janice R. Levine, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who specializes in couples relationships and family development. She is coauthor of three books, founder of The Couples Health Program and is featured as a Top Doc in the Best in Massachusetts magazine.
